it has come to my attention i have no friends in real life at all anymore

i got so lonely yesterday i messaged my ex, but that ended up making me depressed as hell

ive started doing a small amount of exercise this week, its opened my eyes to how unfit i really am, i suppose ill have to keep it up, in the interests of impressing a female soon

as much as humans want to think theyre above the animals, public displays of beauty/strength/power etc are what gets you a "mate"

lately ive been thinking a lot about death and the existence/non-existence of the afterlife, its really freaking me out to be honest, i dont really like the idea of slipping into nothingness, and i cant bring myself to believe in a god

ive also been examining myself and found theres really nothing inside me anymore, no spark, just nothing, i float from day to day without remembering what ive done or where ive been

i think whatever or whoever i was is gone, this leaves me with two paths, reinvent myself, or die

the choice seems simple, yet im having trouble with it.